Whose wedding is
it? (Excerpt from page 2)
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It has been
said that the Bride and Groom should be the "ultimate guests" at their own
wedding. This would imply that the Bride and Groom should have everything
already organized and placed in the hands of the coordinators, vendors and
other assist group members, and then just flow through the day enjoying their
wedding. This does not often happen, however ideal it sounds. The things
affecting the mental and emotional state of the Bride and Groom are manifold.
If there are issues with family members, uncomfortable changes in tradition, or
unreasonable expectations, there will be disappointments and negativity. It is
of utmost importance that everyone involved in the wedding places the wedding
couple's interests first, their goal being to help create the day that best
suits the guests of honors' wishes. In many situations, because of a set of
long standing family traditions that are being altered for this new
celebration, the people involved are not comfortable with the agenda or the way
things are being handled. In all cases, these things need to be worked out as
best they can, still maintaining the integrity of tradition as much as possible
for those who find value there, and focusing on the new traditions established,
perhaps by this new event, that will create memories and set new standards for
those who follow.
However the day is organized, all must realize that
the Bride and Groom are the "Guests of Honor," and what goes on this day will
affect many more people than just the wedding couple. Above and beyond anything
else, all who attend are there to help the Bride and Groom celebrate this most
important day. It is my hope that this book will assist everyone involved in
making that dream come true.
Your Dream Wedding is all
about the awareness level, the consciousness factor with which one perceives,
actuates, then realizes that dreams and wishes can come true. First comes the
acknowledgement of your own feelings and needs. Then comes the communication of
these things to those around you. Finally, when all are working toward the same
goals, the project will reach a critical mass in which the size, the shape, and
the spirit of what you have started from an idea takes on its own energy and
becomes a living thing, your dream come true.
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Preliminary notes on
Budgeting (Excerpt from Page 3)
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Let's start
with a few brief words on Budgeting. Most wedding guides or planners do not go
into this in much depth. The reasons revolve around the fact that the subject
is very personal. For instance, suppose you would like to invite 200 guests;
all family members and close friends. If you plan a full reception with all the
bells and whistles, there will be quite a bill to pay in deposits, installments
and final payments before you are through. What if your families do not have
that kind of money to sponsor an event of that size and style? Are you well on
your way to success with thousands in the bank? Are you willing to pay for the
event yourself or contribute to it? These are some of the questions that will
arise immediately after your decision to be wed. Not as easy as it looked, eh?
Don't fret yet; much can be done regardless of the budget issues. Just remember
that if it is the atmosphere you are trying to create, there are many ways to
do that without spending so much money. There may be some major compromises and
you may have one-third the budget that you thought you would. Keep in mind that
the ceremony and reception are important, but not as important as finding your
soul mate. Since that is apparently accomplished, there is much less to worry
about. Getting married is all about starting a new life together, not having
the biggest party you will ever have… although it could end up that way.
Even if you do have this huge expensive bash, is it more important than being
in love? Is it more important than finding your rocking chair partner on the
porch of your future? Is it more important than finding your ultimate soul
mate? I think not. Perhaps if you agree, this book will help you enhance the
process of getting married, save you money, help you spend your budget wisely,
and get the most out of your investment. The payback is all in memories and
just a handful of souvenirs. We want to help you make sure that they are worth
remembering!
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Bachelor and
Bachelorette Parties (Excerpt from Page 7)
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Bachelor
Parties and Bachelorette Parties are still very common, and take on a wide
range of possibilities for mode of celebration. A word to the wise: Do not plan
anything for the Groom or Bride that he or she might regret the next day, or
for the rest of their lives! Marriage is a sacred thing, and once the decision
is made to spend the rest of your days with a certain special someone, that
relationship is already sacred in its own way. No couple in their right minds
would allow his or her fiancée to do some of the things established as
appropriate and routine in years gone by. It may not be appropriate, even
though it may be routine. It is not appropriate to lure the Groom out for one
last fling, even though "he isn't married yet, right?" Wrong! In many of the
oldest traditions, when a man has declared his intentions for his Bride, they
are already considered married as per the commitment to officially establish
that pact in the future. Once they are publicly declared engaged, they are as
husband and wife in most respects. As far back as written history and before
there are cultures in which the engaged couple actually participates in all
ways as husband and wife as soon as this declaration has been made. Now, this
is NOT American tradition, so don't get me wrong - I am not suggesting anything
in this statement. I am merely making a point as to the Bride and Groom's
commitments, and that when engaged these commitments extend to relationships
and respectful attitude and actions. So when planning the Bachelor Party, or
the Bachelorette Party, be creative, be fun, and be cool! Seek an outlet for
celebration that is complimentary to the Bride and Groom and respectful of
their relationship. Use ideas based on the individual's favorite pastimes or
favorite sports and other activities. And if you really do need to hire an
entertainer who is potentially disruptive to the integrity of the situation,
make it a tease and not anything too embarrassing! Remember - make it something
that the engaged couple can live with, tell each other about, and keep as a
fond memory. Fishing? Tennis? Bowling? Darts at the local sports bar? Karaoke
anybody? Use your imagination and creativity. I am sure that a handful of
grownups can think of something! Ladies are usually very creative with their
Bachelorette Parties. However, Chippendales was notorious as a destination for
last chance parties for the Bride to be! This all works both ways, people! Just
remember to plan something that is appropriate and keeps the respect factor
easily supported, and no secrets need to be kept the day
after.
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Wedding Rings (Excerpt from Page 17)
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*Wedding
Rings - "A ring has no beginning, and has no end…" I have heard it said
hundreds of times. This is true. The symbolism is one of never-ending, eternal
love. It could also be said, with the "no beginning" concept, that when a soul
mate is found, there was no beginning - "I have always loved you!" Quite
romantic, I would say! Rings, in the context as they are used today, started
out as long ago as the early Egyptian era. Rings at that time were made of hemp
or rush (grass) and were not very durable. Then there was leather, then stone.
Later the Romans decided that Iron was the material of choice, and a major
improvement. Today, the material used most often is gold, and sometimes
platinum. These metals are used to add the essence of purity and beauty.
Symbolically they become the icon passing from Groom to Bride, and Bride to
Groom, giving each other a commitment of a pure love that is eternal, and a
bond that is forever.
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Toasts at the
Reception (Excerpt from Page 32)
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The normal
lineup of persons who are included in the toast sequence is as
follows:
- Best
Man - always the initial toast
- Maid
(or Matron) Of Honor
- Groom's
Parents
- Bride's
Parents
- Bride
and Groom
Although
it is not mandatory for these individuals to say something or perform a toast,
it is optional in each case that they be allowed the microphone if they wish.
There are enough pressures during a wedding for people to remember details of
where to be, where to stand, what to say and when, etc. The purpose of these
toast options is not to put people on the spot yet one more time, but to offer
a chance of a lifetime to the selected people, so that they can take advantage
of the opportunity at the moment of choice to add their thoughts to the
occasion, enhancing it with some personal input that will make it all that much
more memorable for the Bride and Groom and their families and
friends.
Again, it is strongly recommended that an "Open Mic'" concept
is not allowed. In some receptions this might work well. However, it is best
thought of as an uncontrollable idea, which may or may not have the desired
effect. After an early reception with beverages and appetizers, one never knows
just how many glasses of champagne or wine may have been consumed, altering
one's better judgment, and causing undue concerns to be laminated upon an
already finely tuned event.
Also, the list above only suggests the
traditional array of options for people and toasts. There are events at which
the entire group of Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are set to take the microphone.
In other situations a member of the family, such as a brother or uncle, may do
the family honors saying a few words on behalf of the entire family. The list
above only brings to mind the general group of individuals who are most
commonly asked to make a toast, and are most appropriate.
Other times
for the placement in the itinerary for the toasts may be considered, such as
just before the cake cutting, or perhaps during the meal after it is served.
The choice of most professionals would be at the beginning of the event,
immediately after the Grand Entrance. The reason for this would be obvious to
anyone who has performed it differently. It is normally more difficult to
maintain control of a group after the event flows into the meal. After that
point in the event, people are involved in chatting at their tables, being
interrupted by servers bearing salads, eating, going to the bar or restrooms,
taking a cigarette break, and generally just dealing with their environment.
The person with the microphone will be hard pressed to duplicate the level of
focus with everyone's attention on the speaker as it is possible at the very
start, before salads or anything else are served. If a second most appropriate
moment were to be selected, it would be just before the cake cutting or before
the dancing starts, right at the end of the meal. The MC or DJ could make an
announcement getting everyone's attention, and having achieved this, could turn
the microphone over to the next speaker, thus having a fair amount of the
attentions of most guests. Once again, the problem of having the right people
at the right time comes to play. Hence, the VIP's of the event, parents, family
members, the bridal party, etc., all need to be found and secured in advance of
this time, making sure that they are present to witness this portion of the
day's plans. It can be done, and executed well. It simply will take more
finesse and patience on the part of those organizing the event to accomplish
this goal, and a more flexible time schedule
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Words of Wisdom
from the Elders (Excerpt from Page 54)
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Words of
Wisdom Speeches can enhance the beginning of the reception or other well-chosen
moments. Often the way the individuals are selected is based on ages of married
couples present at the reception. Immediately after the Grand Entrance,
sometimes guests are asked to remain standing if they are married, and everyone
else is asked to be seated. Then those who have been married for at least five
years are asked to remain standing, and all others are asked to be seated
again. This continues as the age for requirement to remain standing goes up
five years at a time. Near the end of this segment only a few couples remain.
You are left with the elders, sometimes including grandparents. Here the DJ
will approach the couples one by one, usually going to the longest married
couple last. He will ask names, how many years of marriage, and congratulate
each couple. Then he will ask if they have any words of wisdom to share with
the Bride and Groom on their wedding day. This is when you will receive
contributions such as, "Never go to sleep angry at each other…" or "Bring
flowers!" or "Always give her the last word!" or "Always love one another!" or
"Never forget your anniversary!" You never know exactly what may come of these
encounters, but it is almost always fun and endearing.
Once as I walked
around the room asking the same question to the elders remaining standing, I
approached the last couple, asked the question, "Any words of wisdom?" Then I
held the microphone out to them. The gentleman reached out, took the
microphone, and started as if to speak. Then he held off, moving the microphone
away, hesitating. Then he brought the microphone close again, lips parted as if
to say something, and then held the microphone back again. He repeated this
motion one more time. Then he promptly handed the microphone to his wife
without uttering a single word! Even his wife cracked up into belly laughs! He
had said so much without saying anything at all! Needless to say, that one
brought the house down. You never know what you're going to get!
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Communication is the Key to Success (Excerpt from
Page 106)
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Communication is once again the key to success in your
efforts to design your perfect wedding day. Your wishes must be made clear
early on in the planning so that your mother, or an aunt who has planned
several events and is looked upon as the family consultant, does not take over
and make decisions for you. A discussion with family and close friends should
happen, in groups or in individual, one-on-one sessions, in which you can
establish among the other voices in your midst that it is YOUR voice which
needs to be heard most of all. This may be a difficult transformation for some,
but if you want to have a hand in as many aspects as possible and affect your
wedding day with "dream-come-true" results, you must be established as the
primary voice. Then you can delegate certain responsibilities to those around
you when you know for certain that the individual you select will do the job
right. Once you have the attention of those around you, it is likely that you
will still defer to your mother or other family members and close friends for
suggestions, and to help you make decisions and gain approval for what you
design. Mothers will forever feel the need to "be mom," and it is important
that she is allowed to do so. However if you set yourself up with a voice that
everyone will listen to, the decisions will be YOURS, and you will have a free
hand in designing your wedding day. If it is not so important to you as the
Bride to have your hands in each decision, you very well might allow your mom
to plan as much of the wedding as she pleases, or give her specific things that
are her responsibility. She will find purpose and a feeling of importance. The
primary thing she is striving for is to give to you what she believes is
important. Let's make sure that as she sets HER goals that they are also yours,
if possible. It just might be the most spectacular day of your life after all!
It certainly will be an easier ride. Most Brides and their families find some
happy medium in the scheme of things. As long as the balance is struck early
and everyone knows what is expected, things will go more smoothly. In order to
create that balance, be ready to "toot your horn," "blow your whistle," and
otherwise get peoples' attention. It will pay off in the long
run.
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Your Dream Wedding
Content Headings
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- Weddings In A Nutshell
- The Ceremony
- An Interlude
- The Reception
- Locations
- Vendors - General Focus
- Vendors - Some Specifics
- Special Concerns
- The Final Chapter
- Checklists
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| The Content Headers to the left are the Chapter
Headings. Each chapter has at least one primary topic, and some as many as 17.
Most vendor categories are dealt with separately with details for each one.
There are also general statements that apply to more than one or all
categories. Rather than list all headings and subheadings, I chose to stick
with the chapters. If you have any specific questions that you wish to address
and are not sure they are covered in the book, go to the contact page, and
click the link to send me a message. I will contact you back very
soon. |
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If you got this far in these
excerpts...
Congratulations! You probably are engaged and preparing
for your wedding day! Or, you might be a concerned loved one, and family member
or a good friend, starting out on your own education prior to the event so that
you can help with qualifications to assist the bride and groom. We hope that we
have been some help in shedding light on a complex subject. Success in wedding
planning is due to many things. However, they more than likely are inclusive of
1)Awareness, 2)Education, and 3)Empowerment. With these three things you will
be more helpful, happier, and successful in creating Your Dream
Wedding.
Don't forget to check our section on "Freebies" for helpful tools for planning. Also
for more free information, check the "Articles" link, and read on. If you have
questions you wish to direct to the author and a group of highly trained and
experienced wedding professionals, go to our "Contact" page, and click the link for "Support."
If you would like to sign up for our Free Mailing
List and receive monthly tips, stories, and information about updates
and new products, fill out the simple form, and and start receiving the
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Best of luck creating Your
Dream Wedding, Your Future, and Your Life!
Sincerely,
Roland
Takaoka, Author. |
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